I Hope I could stay here Longer...

I just arrive a few minutes ago here in Incheon International Airport(IIA).... I love the ambiance because there are no one here.... Arrive 3 am in the morning... so not much thing to do.... Still waiting for my flight at 8:20am.... need to be patient a little longer.... Drinking coffee at Cafe Amoje (snack & beverage)

I want to stay in Korea and roam around...

I was talking to a tourist awhile ago who has the same flight i am... they we're going to China.... I was referring for them to go to the Hidden Palace since for me is the most spectacular place i wanna see... Fully renovated palace that took 20 years.... at least 1 billion dollars worth of Gold bars for it to place in the walls, pillars and tapestry.... Haaaa.. i was astounded with the documentary about the "Hidden Palace"... it wasn't open to the public until 1995(i think)...

Eventhough China's air pollution is at it's maximum, the beauty of ones country is at its flaws....

You need to see the flaws before admiring the beauty of it's scenery...

People might label each and every country because of what happen in the past but be reminded that the people who commit their mistake is the same people who will rebuild it's own dignity & pride back to where it truly belongs....

WHy!?

i had this feeling for sometime now.... i really hate it... Why do people who are close to you are only there for you when you are needed...?

sad about this is the person who i am referring to now is my cousin..

he never say hi or whatever.. but for some reason right now... he just send me messages and stuff and i don't want to comment or do anything about it.... i really hate that type of feeling that you are sometimes used by this people....

all i can say my younger brother comes first in my life...

An Introduction (Coming Out)

After a few years of being confused yet my interest are still the same but i always tried to be attracted with the opposite sex but still i feel unwillingly to have a reason to fall for one.

Tried my best with one but i think the feeling just swept away with a mistake. It was my mistake not her's but i am such a coward on opening up how i feel. It's not that i have lost hope but having feelings with same gender is greater than having feelings with an opposite sex.

Up until now i feel confused. Up until now i don't want to open up to my parents especially my dad that i am even gay. I know that my mom consider it as a sickness, disease or an epidemic but her opinion does not matter my dad is. I love my dad because he has endure so much and sacrificed so much and i understand him more than my mom.

I hope that one day i can open it up to my dad that i am queer so that's why i can move on with my life.

"Life would never begin if it never ended"

Dreaming of dreams that will never come true...

A few minutes ago i was dreaming about this certain person who i keep thinking about. Is not the type of dream that i normally have, it isn't even those dreams that have sexual encounters.

Since the day i keep on going there to drop things for my parents and get those things after a week, i keep on seeing him. I think it might infatuation but i really don't want to be in a long term relationship. I want to stay happy.... and first of all it is impossible for me and him to be together because we might not have anything in common aside the academic degree we take.

I don't want to confess my love nor will it even be possible for that type of situation to happen.

maybe he's married now because he is successful in what he is doing with his life even though i only see him on weekends (just an analysis on his working schedule, going back and forth there for a several months) but sometimes seeing him makes my heart beats faster than the usual..

But certain things in both of our worlds are impossible. I can't enumerate a few because there are countless things that i can site but none can fit even in a top ten. This might be the only dream that will never come true....

.....

i have alot of friends that i know but only a few i will certainly cherish and call... There are also people that i don't want to meet in life and i don't want to meet at all.

"the past will hunt me no matter what.
the sadness will follow like my shadows
the grief i'll suffer will be buried with me
THEY will be as SHALLOW as the deep blue sea"

I always wants to write poems of everything. i would deny every soul in that place where it all started. the fear of sometimes setting a foot in that area would give me terror throughout my days. i can't stop having this flashbacks all over again.

Reading a story

Starting to write a story.... how would you consider a story which started off as an autobiography but then exaggerate some areas and then made a fictional ending...?!

I hate it sooo much

I hate it so much that both of them fight.... Such a negative environment.. I hate being here in the first place.(nothing personal) but there are certain reasons.

sobbing...

Don't like fighting...

Don't like arguing....

Don't like certain things right now...

Don't like MY WHOLE ******....

i hate it... sometimes death is the only end to all the problems